...after a long walk back to myself...

Running...

2009-04-29T16:44:01Z

So I have picked up my music project again, after putting it down for a few weeks. It feels really good to have some time open up for this. Can you believe it's gonna be my 3rd recording!? But anywho, the following is a song that the music is pretty much all laid down to, however, the words - are not! lol But what else is new? I have taken a completely different approach to my music this time around...and also the genre has warped a little bit. I have a little bit more...I dunno...what seems like...Funk? I dunno...you will just have to see! :) but here are the lyrics [in progress] to "Running."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

He's running, running, running, down the street
Trying to avoid the raindrops as they fall
One foot in front of the other
Racing the clouds
Thinking he's fooled them all
He watched closely
Observed from afar
The connection between intention, the action, and the mind
But after he was doing all the math
He found what he was never bound to find

And he thought:

Maybe I'm just supposed to go through life alone
But then another soul came along
Only to see his own
And everything just kinda changed from that moment on
Home grown, so grown

So he walks to the rhythm of his own drum
Smiling softly, he bounces, on his way
Music is the core of his existence
With love not too far away
He loves the mystery
a secret history
every now and then
[this verse is still not done :/]

Maybe I'm just supposed to go through life alone
But then another soul came along
Only to see his own
And everything just kinda changed from that moment on
Home grown, so grown

--------------

So stay tuned for an [edit] me dear dear readers... :) - THERES MORE TO COME BITCHES! :D

...dot dot dot...zee zee zee

2009-04-03T02:33:42Z

Hey all...

Here I am to bring such an EXCITING entry! :) - Well, where to start :/ ? Maybe whatever I think of first...

Well today I started shadowing the head tellers, to follow the process of what I will be doing in the months to come! Its a whole new slew of things I have to learn...so I really have to step up my A game. I AM EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK!!!!...My supervisor put me up for it! I was so happy! I never got it before!...But everybody was asking me today, WHY ARE YOU SHADOWING!? ARE YOU GONNA BE A SUPERVISOR!? ^_^ - so I try to be really vague about it, and answer "iunno" :)

On another note...

I am kind of in this phase of careening through slow Ani songs that i don't normally listen to...or that are sad. I have been in a wierd mood as of lately...and I think Wally kinda helped me find why. I really do feel like...i cater and cater and cater to other people...and I don't ever have time to reflect to myself anymore...so its kinda like my fuel...its a necessary thing for me to do. I really like to evaluate myself and how I am feeling and where I am going...am I aimless? Careless? Ridiculous? Shameless? Lol...but all jokes aside...I have been feeling kinda aimless as of lately and I don't know what has gotten into me...I just want to be okay...with everything. Life, love, career...i want everything to be in perfect balance...so i need to focus on WHAT that is exactly...so i can better myself, and feel even more fulfilled than i do...Wally has helped that aspect of my life a lot. I wonder if I am shoving something to the back of my subconscious :/ - i guess we will just have to see in time EXACTLY what this exactly is...but in the meantime...i have grown tired of typing :P

until then...

- joel

Of throwbacks, and love...

2009-03-31T05:39:40Z

Today all day was generally very blah. You dont want to do anything, put up with anybody...or even THINK!

it was just one of THOSE days...what can i say :/

my dad is going to have to get surgery in like a week...things have been super stressful on my mother and I, my father...just everything has been a trial. It seems that just when we clear one obstacle we can already see the other one coming around the bend. I sometimes wonder if I even want to have to deal with it. I don't know...i think today my inner pessimist seems to have got the best of me. Dear lord i sound morbid! Change of subject! lol

So i was talking to my love...about everything that is going on, my plans of moving out soon...the whole nine....

As always - pessimism immediately turned into mere history. He just has a way of doing that to me. Like fuel for my heart, soul, and mind.

I was looking at some places on craigslist, and surprisingly there are some AMAZING deals...ranging from like 400 to 900 a month...some of them including utilities. Of course...with a roommate though - which i SOOOOOO would not mind. I can tolerate just about anybody...and anything. So - as long as your not cutting into my sleep - we are peeerrrrrrfectly fine! lol

I got to see some FUCKING ADORABLE pictures of Wally - i keep telling him that if i wwent to gradeschool with him - i would be all on him like white on rice lol, he is so fucking CAYUUTE! (Dunno how i landed the guy...really...i don't ;P)

so the highlight of my convo with him...our of the MANY MANY MANY - was when he said he would kiss my forhead...and i would close my eyes slowly...and smile softly...

like omg..i get chills just saying it - he makes me feel like....i can jump off a building and that i will still manage to float amidst all my feelings for him. He completes me...

I mean really though...i feel like he is grapsing with every passing second how i view the world...and how my mind works...i mean...really!? Is this real?! Never have i met someone who has understood how my view of the world affects who i am as a person - and i feel like he WANTS to learn...and he is...he really is...

I cant wait till he comes home...i am gonna kiss him so hard..i might just...die - lol ;)

well let me go off to close my eyes slowly

and smile softly...lol

until then...

dream away...

- joel

who -doesn't- love a good debate?

2009-03-26T05:56:42Z

Hey folks!

so i just had a nice revealing convo with wally, covering subjects such as: fuck buddies and capital punishment...and most of the time...it will end in something like this...

creatiive32089: Let's just agree to disagree ;) cool?
Cyberdroolxvi: ^^ YES....LETS!

we are both Oooo so adamant about our beliefs that we just want each other to understand it ;) - and we know that...hence why our debates will not get too heated...or even heated at all :)

but anywho...

i love learning new things about him...through that...i get to know myself more...and become more well rounded...and i cant wait for the next time we have a talk like that...FOR that reason in itself

i have learned more about myself these past few months...than i have in a year...wow...theres omething to be said about that...

but perhaps he beat me to the punchline - just got a text from'em:

"Just wanted to let you know...that i love you and i can't wait for tomorrow. <3"

i love you babe... <3

dream away...

- joel

a bothersome necklace...rock'n'rant...

2009-03-25T05:18:26Z

"I was just thinking to myself...what if my fan controlled how the wind blew...and if every time i stomped on the ground...it would shatter beneath my feet..." - Joel

I do wonder things like that from time to time. (I am also making a conscious effort to not use a lot of ellipses! It's sooo hard! <- That's what she saiiiid!)

Okay...so yea...

I constantly daydream about, the many 1, 2, and 3 am's I have spent walking the lonely, cold streets of collingswood...on the most beautiful nights i have come to experience in my entire life.

Its always so awakening and refreshing, and to top it allll off reflective & poetic - i love reflecting on the walk home from seeing wally...i hardly have time for myself...and its like...for that 10 minute walk down...14 minute train ride...and 15 minute walk home - i get a nice dosage, a nice lil high, i enjoy being out in the world...with nobody else in it...its a different way to see it, to experience it.

i took one shot while i was running down the street...and the other while i was standing still...it was just so beautiful...i felt like a miniscule pawn in god's view...aaah...how i wish the world could see it and experience it like i do!!

the nights are starting at a later hour! which is allllllways amazing - i love how its 7 or 8....but it looks like...its only 5 or 6...this summer...i can just feel it now...its gonna be amazing...so i am ready to buckle up...and enjoy the ride!!

sooooo i might see my baaaaaaby this thursday...and even if its not gonne be with the other people that were gonna come...i would go to philly just to see him :)

i will miss him this weekend : / - so it looks like i will be recording like a mofo!! lol

i will try to post projects and how they are coming along on here...new songs, riffs, words, poems, etc....but we will see how that goes...

until then...

dream away ;) ...

- joel

MacBook Pro...MacBook Hoe

2009-03-24T16:33:09Z

So, my patience is wearing to thin...if not anything at all, with my MacBook ~~Pro~~ Hoe. Why you ask?

Easy...I have only had this lil baby since November! I love this thing, except for this lil new slew of problems that are suddenly coming to surface. First what happens is, you go to move the mouse on the trackpad - and it doesn't respond! It will freeze up, and not do anything at all. Then your try to hit some keys on the keyboard to see if maybe its just that ONE program thats acting up, to only realize that the keys...also...do not work.

So you then have to accept that your MacBook needs to be force restarted, so you do JUST THAT...it goes through its lil rebooting hooplah, so that when you log back in...it says you have "No Airport Card Installed"...which I just love! Cause...there IS ONE! So you reboot it...and reboot it....and reboot it, to only finally get it working again. That...is NOT normal - AT ALL! It worries me, I don't want to check in my computer for 5 days, i really dont, its not fair. This is brand new...and look at what it's doing! On top of that...for the first time today, in the midst of the first "rebooting session" it would stay stuck with the apple logo, and the little wheel that appears under it that USUALLY spins...was not spinning : / - this guy is not happy...AT ALL...I made an appointment with the genius bar, to see what the outcome will be. Stay tuned : /

if you want to make me feel better - win the lottery, buy me 5 of these things...so that when one breaks...i can use the next one...cool? thanks...just makin sure

dream away...

- joel

2 years...and counting...

2009-03-24T04:48:49Z

So....i just realized now, that it is officially the 2 year anniversary of the infamous heartbreak episode i went through : / - and its so funny now that i think about it...so...it has been quite some time since i posted ANYTHING on here.

2007 - It was graduation year, and emotions were sky high, drama, blah blah blah...i look back at it now and realized that i have spent sooo much time, obsessing over meaningless shit. I kinda want to go back to the old Joel and tell him: " *nudge* *nudge* get ooooover it! " - but at the same time, I have grown so much from those experiences, it molded me and allowed to become who i am today, i had time to reflect, think to myself about live and love and the works - so in other words...i wouldn't have had it ANY other way : )

2008 - This was an OK year...I released to little compilations in 2008, "Up 4 Grabs" and "Testimony" - downfall is, I experienced the death of a friendship that was very dear to me...so i was flying solo for a majority of the year. I kept at it on my own honing in on myself, and getting back to myself which seemed to have gotten construed with the ideals of everyone around me, so it was time to rebuild that atmosphere, new job(s), new friends, new beginnings, experiences, thoughts, songs, poems, the whole nine...kinda creating a lil segway into 2009...

2009 - Oh goodness...well we are only 3 months in...and i don't want to jynx it (but fuck if I care) - after 4 loooong years....of waiting...I have found someone...who embodies...allll that i can possibly ask for...that brings me true happiness, with no recourse of shame or humiliation, whom I can trust with my hear, whole heartedly and endlessly, who appreciates me, for who I am, and how I think and feel, who can see my soul...and sing my song :)

I feel as if i am careening through destiny, seeing all the things that passed me by when I was so sad. The world is filled with so much more poetry to understand and encounter, and its all around me! But where to start...where to start...

and so that is what i have to say for now...I can never type for looong periods of time without realizing how much it bothers my fingers to keep on typing and typing lol

until next time...of the many entries to come ;) <3

dream on...

- joel

creatiive32089 @ 2007-05-10T17:58:00

2007-05-10T22:02:16Z

And as I was riding the thing that rolled across the warehouse floor, the air felt cool, I felt alive...and I laughed as I tried to quote the idol of my feministic creme brulee...

Because I had to pee...

And the faucet ran and randand I scrubbed and scrubbed...but the filth of you still remains...

So thanks for that picture...benjamin franklin...thanks...thanks alot